Assy McGee Doth Not Become Thee
So you always pride yourself on being the squeaky wheel, huh?
You’re mad as hell, and you’re not going to take it any more…
Yet again.
There’s yet a new reason for you to throw off on this vendor, or that vendor. This initiative, or that idea.
I call shenanigans on that.
Let me clue you in on a little truth…
People Do Not Like Talking To Jerks
They don’t. Plain and simple.
Even if you are right…even if you’ve had divine inspiration. Even if you’re hella charismatic.
Eventually, this nagging thought is gonna creep in…
Man, that guy is a total flippin’ jackass.
And then whatever you think you’ve built up in rep, etc? All that is llike dust in the wind. Gone, because it wasn’t ever really there.
That’s a shame, in my book.
Even if you get all kinds of direct responses saying “Way to go” and “Attaboy” after you’ve been particularly, well, Assy…
How do you know it’s not just because people don’t relish being one of your targets?
|| posted by chris under clueless, thumbs down || || ||
I agree wholeheartedly - coulda done without the visual though
comment by Tim Barrett — September 8, 2007 @ 12:44 pm
A few thoughts in response:
- Jerkiness is often in the eye of the beholder. If I support your cause, you’re a strong and principled advocate. If I disagree with you, you’re a jerk.
- Jerkiness and leadership may be unavoidably correlated. See http://www.vladville.com/2007/09/how-can-you-be-so-mean-and-be-so-beloved-and-respected-at-the-same-time.html.
- If you have to choose between being liked and having an impact, which should you choose? Your answer probably depends on whether we’re talking about your personal or professional life, and also on the likelihood of your having to repeat the interaction. (I.E., better to be a jerk with the operator in the credit card call center than with the owner of your best client.)
- What responsibility does one person have to tell another directly that he/she is being a jerk? I see lots of posts in threaded discussions from moderators and other participants that echo what you’re saying here. They say things like “people should stop complaining and whining” but they don’t identify the people in question. I recently thought I saw a reference to myself in a post like that so I sent an e-mail directly to the poster to ask if I was the target of his ire. He said no. The ratio of people who think I’m a jerk to people who tell me so may be very high, but I’m highly unlikely to change my style if I’m not called out by a large number of people. And even then I may not change my style for the reasons stated above.
In conclusion, I’m right, you’re wrong, I’m cool, you suck, sit on this and rotate, nyah, nyah, nyah.
comment by David Schrag — September 9, 2007 @ 12:43 pm
@ David…
I can say, in all honesty, I was not thinking of any particular person or persons while drafting this post.
And I am glad you, me, Susan, and Eriq & Anna Neale got a chance to have breakfast in NOLA on the last day of Jeff’s conference before we all had to go our separate ways. I will also tell you that I was bracing for impact the entire time, because I fully expected you to go nutso on…
A busboy
A waitress
A manager
Some random person who happened to be walking by
about something they don’t even have any power to change. Thankfully, such a moment never came.
I meant every word I said to you, which (for the benefit of everyone else who wasn’t there) was that I don’t think you’re wrong all the time, or even most of the time.
But I have disagreed with your approach nearly 100% of the time.
Speaking your mind is great. Telling folks what you think versus bitching about them behind their backs is also great. But immediately setting up an adversarial relationship the instant you open your mouth, every time? How does that help you ostensibly move toward a resolution or (as a first step) even an acknowledgement of the issue you are raising, which I would assume (perhaps incorrectly) is the whole reason you are bringing said issue up in the first place?
comment by chris — September 9, 2007 @ 10:30 pm
I agree that an unbending strategy of instant confrontation and criticism is undesirable, but to that charge I plead Not Guilty. Since you’ve said that your original post wasn’t written with me in mind, I won’t bore your audience with a defense. If you want to pursue this conversation privately, I welcome it.
Those of you who are motivated to see the fabled establishment where Rue and Schrag and Bradley and Neale broke bread (beignets, actually) should visit http://www.cafedumonde.com/.
comment by David Schrag — September 10, 2007 @ 12:08 pm
@ David…
I wholeheartedly agree with you that Cafe Du Monde rocks!
I could have drank hot chocolate and wolfed beignets all the livelong!
comment by chris — September 10, 2007 @ 3:24 pm