November 16, 2008

Like a CMT soap opera set in the Appalachians, Auburn’s season this year has gone from bad, to worse, to abominable.
And there’s really only one person who should be held accountable for that. Tommy Tuberville has proved, time and again this year, that he either doesn’t know, or doesn’t care, how to be the head coach of a Division I-A football program in the NCAA.
Forget streaks, forget the past, forget anything else. Auburn is a dismal 5–6 right now, and are 2–5 in SEC conference play. In fact, since their “lost championship” year in 2004, where they went a perfect 13–0 but were denied a shot at a National Championship, Auburn has been on a continual downward slide in conference play.
The ludicrous Tony Franklin Experiment on offense this year didn’t just show Tuberville’s ineptitude at implementing such a major change. It highlighted his utter lack of leadership as the head coach of the Auburn Tigers.
Tuberville’s skated for many years by sacrificing assistants and coordinators whenever the Tigers failed to perform. So his throwing Franklin under the bus is nothing new under the Auburn sun.
But what has truly cemented Tuberville’s fate is his stunning inability to recruit against the Crimson Tide. From the moment he stepped off the tarmac in Tuscaloosa, Nick Saban basically took Tommy Tuberville out behind the woodshed in what is without question the most important part of any successful program and the most important job of any successful head coach: recruiting.
Successful recruiting is nothing less than laying the foundation for the very future of your program. Successful recruiting is the difference between Tyrone Willingham getting three years at Notre Dame, and Charlie Weis getting four.
Last year, while Nick Saban was putting the finishing touches on wrapping up the #1 recruiting class in the nation…a recruiting class which translated into immediate results for the #1 ranked Crimson Tide this year, where do you think Tommy Tuberville was?
Duck hunting.
After 5 very mediocre years of conference play, Tuberville survived a coup in 2003, thanks to the sports media blowing the lid off the JetGate debacle.
He won’t get a second reprieve this time around.
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November 8, 2008
To commemorate Les Miles’ late game playcalling in the second annual Saban Bowl, LSU gets an ultra-rare, limited edition SEC t-shirt.

I’m betting that one of the books Les Miles doesn’t read that would be like reading a book if he read books is the rulebook for NCAA college football.
Otherwise, he might have known that a challenge is just like taking a timeout, except with the chance of hitting a jackpot and getting both the previous call to go your way, and that timeout back. If he’d have known that it was the closest thing to gambling that’s allowed in college football, I can almost guarantee you that Les Miles would have been “all in!”
I’d say that qualifies him as neither genius nor madman. But basically as an illiterate dumbass.
Which means Les Miles is right where he belongs.
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November 8, 2008
Now that Alabama won in overtime against the swamp kitties, it’s time to start posting up the rest of the SEC. First up, Arkansas…where great talent goes to underperform.

With all the heat Clemson takes, it’s amazing that Arkansas doesn’t get more criticism for being a perennial also-ran, and never living up to their potential.
I guess when your main cheer, the one reserved to try to spark the team in critical moments, is known as “Callin’ the Hogs,” what can you really expect? I mean, really?
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November 2, 2008
[suggestion: play the Mortal Kombat theme song while reading this post]
NOW IT BEGINS!

Time for Alabama to pin the tail on the Tigers over in the spooky spooky romper room they like to call Death Valley.
This is the Saban Bowl. The most one-sided rivalry in all of college football. For Alabama fans, it’s just another SEC West matchup.
For the great unwashed masses of LSU fans, winning this game will be the closest the voodoo capital of North America ever comes to vanquishing a man they schizophrenically refer to as the Antichrist.
More than anything else though…
I wonder what crazy, cockamamie, bordering on insane tactics Les Miles will try to pull this year.
Mike Singletary already used the mind-blowingly Milesian tactic of dropping his pants in the locker room, albeit at halftime, a week ago. Maybe Miles will take it to the XTREEM!!!! and drop his on the sidelines during the game?
I’m sure the faithful LSU horde (of drunken Cajuns) will need something to smile about after Mr. Saban takes his team of +100 Asskicking south this coming weekend and reminds the swamp kitties how a real coach with talented players gets it done.
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October 26, 2008

I’m surprised at Georgia. I really am.
No, not because they’ve lost the SEC championship race. They are still in it, with a big showdown against Florida coming up this week to basically decide who represents the SEC East.
The real surprise from Georgia this year? An insane lack of class about losing to Alabama earlier this season.
I have never heard so much screaming for a “do-over” since I was 9, playing neighborhood football in someone’s backyard. It’s like Georgia fans are completely unable to understand that not only did they lose, but that someone else could dare take them apart in such workmanlike fashion.
Honestly, I’m not so sure the Dawgs should be asking for a rematch. All the things that went into Alabama’s vistory early in the season are still there. Scores of highly touted running backs are being stuffed to ridiculously low numbers when they face the Tide. Alabama’s secondary is still putting the hammer on opposing receivers. Alabama’s defensive line is owning the line of scrimmage, even without Terrence Cody.
The only difference since the Tide’s trip to Athens a month ago? Alabama’s been showing they can play for a full 60 minutes.
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