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April 21, 2010

The Death Of My Business

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|| posted by chris under business, clueless, epiphany, kma, nostalgia, thumbs down || comments (4) || ||

March 5, 2010

EBS Has Left The Building

Even in a sequined jumpsuit, a skeleton is still dead.

Instead of my typically convoluted Funcave windup involving some theoretical physics, Bluetooth and comic book lore a la “The Big Bang Theory,” I’ll just come right out and say what’s up this time:

Essential Business Server = DEAD

That’s officially official as of right now, which should be 8:00 a.m. Pacific Standard time on March 5th, 2010. So what does that really mean?

In the immediate term, it means there will be no v2 of Essential Business Server. Not ever. Which is a damned shame, because v2 was looking completely and totally badass.

Keep reading!

|| posted by chris under beta, business, clueless, hardware, it pro, kma, mid-market it, migration, nostalgia, opinion, rant, rx, shoutout, thumbs down, thumbs up, time, travel, virtualization, webcast || comments (2) || ||

December 4, 2009

Top 10 Reasons The University Of Florida Picked Their Colors

Here lizard lizard...

Tomorrow at 4p EST in the Georgia Dome (broadcast on CBS), the Crimson Tide and the Florida handbags will crown the SEC champion, and effectively determine the NCAA national champion as well.

To commemorate the occasion, from the home office in Gordo, Alabama, the top 10 reasons the University of Florida picked their colors…

10. Glare completely hides Gainesville from human sight.

9. Who wouldn’t want to look like a walking box of Frosted Flakes?

8. Florida had the last pick in the SEC, right after LSU.

7. Makes UF fans more visible during drive-by shootings.

6. Acts like camoflauge to NCAA refs. Especially when holding, late-hitting, or eye-gouging.

5. Bobbled catches look like completions against that eye-warping background of orange and blue.

4. If they’re good enough for Clorox, they’re good enough for people who choose to live in a swamp.

3. Figured the Oregon Ducks could use some competition for “Lamest Uniform” award.

2. Color-blind friendliness means they care about inclusiveness for their inbred fanbase and alumni.

and finally…

1. Helps Florida players feel right at home in prison orange.

|| posted by chris under game, kma, shoutout || comments (1) || ||

November 16, 2008

T-Shirts Of The SEC: Auburn Tigers

Auburn University...one big incestous family reunion, with the extra chromosomes to prove it.

Like a CMT soap opera set in the Appalachians, Auburn’s season this year has gone from bad, to worse, to abominable.

And there’s really only one person who should be held accountable for that. Tommy Tuberville has proved, time and again this year, that he either doesn’t know, or doesn’t care, how to be the head coach of a Division I-A football program in the NCAA.

Forget streaks, forget the past, forget anything else. Auburn is a dismal 5–6 right now, and are 2–5 in SEC conference play. In fact, since their “lost championship” year in 2004, where they went a perfect 13–0 but were denied a shot at a National Championship, Auburn has been on a continual downward slide in conference play.

The ludicrous Tony Franklin Experiment on offense this year didn’t just show Tuberville’s ineptitude at implementing such a major change. It highlighted his utter lack of leadership as the head coach of the Auburn Tigers.

Tuberville’s skated for many years by sacrificing assistants and coordinators whenever the Tigers failed to perform. So his throwing Franklin under the bus is nothing new under the Auburn sun.

But what has truly cemented Tuberville’s fate is his stunning inability to recruit against the Crimson Tide. From the moment he stepped off the tarmac in Tuscaloosa, Nick Saban basically took Tommy Tuberville out behind the woodshed in what is without question the most important part of any successful program and the most important job of any successful head coach: recruiting.

Successful recruiting is nothing less than laying the foundation for the very future of your program. Successful recruiting is the difference between Tyrone Willingham getting three years at Notre Dame, and Charlie Weis getting four.

Last year, while Nick Saban was putting the finishing touches on wrapping up the #1 recruiting class in the nation…a recruiting class which translated into immediate results for the #1 ranked Crimson Tide this year, where do you think Tommy Tuberville was?

Duck hunting.

After 5 very mediocre years of conference play, Tuberville survived a coup in 2003, thanks to the sports media blowing the lid off the JetGate debacle.

He won’t get a second reprieve this time around.

|| posted by chris under clueless, game, kma, media, thumbs down || comments (0) || ||

November 8, 2008

T-Shirts Of The SEC: Genius or Madman?

To commemorate Les Miles’ late game playcalling in the second annual Saban Bowl, LSU gets an ultra-rare, limited edition SEC t-shirt.

You got to know when to hold 'em. Know when to call 'em. Know when to throw the fade. And know when to run.

I’m betting that one of the books Les Miles doesn’t read that would be like reading a book if he read books is the rulebook for NCAA college football.

Otherwise, he might have known that a challenge is just like taking a timeout, except with the chance of hitting a jackpot and getting both the previous call to go your way, and that timeout back. If he’d have known that it was the closest thing to gambling that’s allowed in college football, I can almost guarantee you that Les Miles would have been “all in!”

I’d say that qualifies him as neither genius nor madman. But basically as an illiterate dumbass.

Which means Les Miles is right where he belongs.

|| posted by chris under clueless, game, kma, thumbs down || comments (0) || ||

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