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One For The Gamers

If you don’t know anything about the games industry, this vid might not make a whole lot of sense. So read this to catch up. Then check this out. Then watch the vid…

Derek Smart Derek Smart DEREK SMART!!!

|| posted by chris under clueless, game, nostalgia, opinion, thumbs down || comments (0) || ||

The Segway Of Software

Let me be utterly clear about this, so there is no lingering confusion in anyone’s mind…

Groove has to be the worst software I’ve ever used in my life.

For something else that was breathlessly touted as a revolution with no downside for so long, I’m amazed that I haven’t yet put my fist through the screen when using it.

Forget the performance hit on an individual machine…

Forget the laggy response…

Groove has the most idiotic user interface seen since cc:Mail.

To top it off, this supposed wunderkind of collaboration, this pinnacle of a more modern way to get stuff done, this enabler of all things great and integrated…

This thing totally sucks at handling the group part of collaboration. Which is the only part of collaboration that makes it collaborative, to be quite honest.

Hey, got 2 folks with similar names? You gotta resolve the conflict manually! How do you do that? Your guess is as good as mine. Which is about the extent of what Groove can explain you need to do.

You want to know who raves about Groove?

Microsofties. And ‘softie wannabes, hangers-on, and nearly everything in-between.

But the fact is that Groove is like the autistic cousin of SharePoint. Now, this is not to insult folks who have autism at all.

Groove’s interface imposes these totally random and arbitrary restrictions on collaboration and communication because you can’t see what’s going on in ways that would actually be helpful, but you can see things that are totally useless. That’s the closest analogy to autism I can think of. Maybe MS should use Groove as a training tool, to drive funding for autism research.

Why do I care where people are at any given time in Groove? This isn’t kindergarten. We don’t have to get in a line and all walk to the bathroom at the same time any more.

While working in Groove, I find myself having to make a conscious decision to ignore all the stuff that is going on in a Groove workspace. That’s not productivity, folks. That’s schizophrenia.

So why does Groove put such an emphasis on what someone else is doing?

I’ll tell you why.

For all its touted collaborative prowess…that’s the one thing above all else Groove stinks at most. Groove’s basically the unholy offspring of a crappy chat client that mated with a P2P transfer engine created by someone with the last name of Frankenstein.

If you don’t know what other people are doing in a Groove workspace, then you don’t know what you have to avoid opening, for fear of your changes getting lost, or split, when a document is open by more than 1 person at a time.

But the final nails in Groove’s coffin should be these 2 simple facts…

• Groove offers no mobile client whatsoever
• Groove offers no connectivity/sychronization with Outlook

Because of those unforgiveable omissions, except for a very very narrow subset of the populace whose paychecks come from Redmond, Groove is totally unusable for anything meaningful. And even then, there are much better alternatives. Stuff that actually lets you get things done.

I’m surprised at the number of folks who, as professionals, should care about the simple and crucial idea of productivity being at the heart of system design…

But in the name of tech-machismo, ignore it anyway.

|| posted by chris under clueless, kma, opinion, rant, thumbs down || comments (7) || ||

C’Mon In And Hover Me

So Nathan, better known as the dude who ripped the covers off Windows Mobile 7 AKA Photon recently, asked…

I love the hover comments you put on links! Is that a plugin, and where can I get it?

I’ve heard from folks before that they dig the hover comments too, which also appear on pictures as well. I thought it was a good qestion, and that other folks might be interested in the answer.

Firstly, there’s no plugin required.

Secondly, the actual text of the hover comments for both pictures and links come from the ol’ noggin of yours truly. So the text isn’t auto-generated. That level of wiseacre is 100% natural.

Thirdly, it’s a very simple bit of HTML code. For each link, I add a title attribute, which comprises the text of the hover comment. It only works that way because most browsers render the title attribute on mouseover as a hover.

Fourthly, BlogJet AKA The Parliamentary Funkadelic of Blogging Tools makes it dead simple to add the title attribute because, well…it’s right there in the box when adding a new link. Check it out…

Fifthly, for pictures it’s a bit different. Rather than using the title attribute, BlogJet embeds the alt attribute.

This makes a whole lot of sense, because alt specifies text that shows in place of actual graphics if the browser can’t or won’t support rendering them. If it does render the graphics, then the alt text hovers on mouseover the same way as the title attribute for links. Sexxay, huh?

Sixthly, here’s the actual HTML from a couple of examples in this very post. Here’s a link…

<a title=”Yo Nathan! This link’s for you, bud…” href=”http://microsoft.blognewschannel.com/archives/2008/01/06/exclusive-windows-mobile-7-to-focus-on-touch-and-motion-gestures/” target=”_blank”>

And here’s a pic…

 <img alt=”You really didn’t think I’d pass up an opportunity to include a hovercar pic, did you? Notice the superfuture with the hovercars, but the dude is still using paper? How quaint.” src=”http://www.chrisrue.com/funcave/graphics/jeanietakeamemo.png” border=”0″ />

Seventhly, some audio assist browsers and enhancements will actually read the title attribute aloud while rendering the page. Which rocks! And encourages me to become even more smart-aleck.

Eighthly, it seems to me that it would be even more helpful for the alt attribute to be read aloud. Well, maybe not my comments. I’m not sure they would adequately describe a graphic well enough to be of much help.

Ninthly, did I mention yet how I prolly wouldn’t have started doing this without the hypersonic assist from BlogJet?

|| posted by chris under freebie, opinion, rant, utility belt, wordpress || comments (1) || ||

Nice Try

How much do I hate going to cell phone stores?

I consider all those working or otherwise associated with them to be headed for punishment in the 8th subcircle of the 8th circle of Hell, reserved exclusively for fraudulent advisers.

I truly believe the reason that Mobility as a concept is in such a sad sad state lies largely at the totally uninformed and incompetent feet of the retail cellular sales employee.

OK, maybe not totally.

But that’s where the perfect storm of OEM and carrier Kool-Aide B.S. gets whipped into a heady brew, garnished with spiffs and a plastic umbrella, and served up to an unsuspecting public.

Visiting most cellular stores is roughly akin to a cross between an interrogation by the police and running the Homeland Security gauntlet at the nearest airport (sans the random chance for a body cavity search). I don’t know anyone who comes away from a cell store feeling happy about the experience. Usually the response is…

Man…am I glad THAT’S over!

So I gotta give TryPhone props for at least trying to offer something different. That is, the ability to try handsets without having to endure the Captain Dumbass and His Idiot Minions show that is your local cell store.

In fact, here are all of the 9 models you can use right now…

Samsung Juke (Verizon style)

Motorola V3xx (AT&T style)

LG Muziq (Sprint style)

Nokia N95 (AT&T style)

Motorola V3m (Verizon style)

Blackberry Pearl (T-mobile style) 

Apple iPhone (AT&T style)

Motorola V3T (T-Mobile style)

Palm Treo (Sprint style)

Unfortunately, the embed code from TryPhone didn’t work worth a flip here at the Funcave. Otherwise, you’d have seen them all right here. Grrrrr.

You can also request a new phone type be added…

OK OK…it’s been up less than a month. And the site has a Google-esque BETA splashed on its logo. But it could stilll stand some fleshing out. And where’s the Windows Mobile love?

Even so, there’s one MAJOR huge thing that I don’t see this site ever being able to surmount. There’s literally no way for TryPhone to simulate the true ergonomics of a mobile device. Which prolly accounts for 50~75% of the final reason why people pick one device over another.

In other words, a device has to feel right. I don’t see any way for them to get around this one.

But I applaud them for trying to tackle the single thorniest problem with mobile devices. Which is that the typical environment to try out devices sucks beyond all measure.

And I know this…

I’d definitely use TryPhone to verify specs and included features, assuming they have the device listed. And tho the number of phones they have available now isn’t bad…without a more extensive library TryPhone’s usefulness will remain pretty limited.

|| posted by chris under business, clueless, freebie, hardware, mobility, opinion, virtualization || comments (0) || ||

Don’t Be Philovit

Writing a good bio is really more art than skill. I’m in the middle of refreshing my bios and it’s driving me crazy.

Like most things…one size doesn’t always fit all when it comes to bios. Which is why I have nearly a dozen different ones. The reason I have so many? I find that I have to “tune” my bios to fit a given situation. Kinda like a resume, except in a much more subtle way.

If I’m addressing a group that’s tied to education, I’ll lead with my degree. But if I’m talking to folks from non-profits, I’d lead with my civic and charity work.

If I’m talking to a local group, then I’ll lead with things that are focused on their area. When I spoke in Kentucky and Ohio earlier this year, I mentioned that I was originally from Ohio.

When I speak here in Alabama, I typically don’t mention that. They already know from my accent (or lack thereof) that I’m not originally from the South. No reason to emphasize the fact that I’m the worst kind of Yankee…the kind who came down and never left.

But above all else…

I’m careful to make triple-dog-sure that my bio isn’t the equivalent of a vanity scene. That’s what Running Antelope and I call a sequence in a TV show or movie that exists only to shore up the flagging self-esteem of some insecure celebrity. For example, when some other character remarks how hot their character is. We also call this the Benjamin Bratt clause.

Here are my 5 best tips for avoiding a vanity bio.

1. Use adjectives sparingly. You’re already talking about the wonderous wonderousness that is you. Too many adjectives will push you right over the edge into Obnoxiousville.
2. For that matter, use words sparingly. I’m not advocating Tonto-speak, but a bio should be very tightly written. A single paragraph is the max. Anything more than 4 sentences is off-limits.
3. Be relevant, and specific. Some things, like a Nobel Peace Prize, Pulitzer, etc., are always relevant. Other things, such as Queen of Corn at the 1986 Nebraska State Fair…not so much. But that’s still better than talking about yourself as a straight A student at the institute of higher learning that is Life.
4. Stay timely. Mere mortals like us should list minor accomplishments only from the last few years or so.
5. Use real verbs. This one come straight from the Schoolhouse Rock classic VERB! That’s what’s happening! This really goes for anything and everything that’s written, but even moreso for bios. If you want to give your accomplishments an insane amount of punch, without resorting to an adjective stroke job, use real verbs. That means something other than is after your name every time.

As a bonus, here’s the favorite tip Running Antelope gives to her tech writing students…

1. Avoid the IZE trap. Which means staying away from words with ize in them. Stuff like maximized. She hates that word more than Tim Barrett hates monkeys.  

As a final word of warning, take this example of a bio which violates every sense of decency and decorum imaginable…

Ben Philovit is a remarkably talented, value-driven professional offering over 10 years of business experience. He is constantly evolving, accomplishing and developing his knowledge and expertise within the business world. His track record of success speaks for itself with increased performance through dynamic leadership, strategic planning, process design, technology innovation and change management. Ben is equally adept in capitalizing on interpersonal and technology skills to create a unique blend of innovative solutions and products while pushing the creative envelope.

A personal goal of Ben’s is to bring his high energy, optimistic view of business to groups seeking to learn from a successful entrepreneur. Take your company to new heights—have Ben speak to your organization today.

In other words…

Don’t Be Philovit!

|| posted by chris under business, community, it pro, opinion, travel || comments (4) || ||